The Loneliness Joy Brings
by Demented Koneko
Summary: Taichi loves Christmas very much and isn't afraid to show his excitement. Yamato on the other hand isn't fond of the holiday for some reasons. Taichi desperately wishes to know what is wrong with his best friend and make him feel better. TaichiYamato
1. Be happy for me

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Authors Notes: Since it 'tis the season, I decided to write a Christmas Taichi/Yamato fic. I hope the story is okay and that you enjoy reading it. I apologise in advance for any grammar/spelling errors there may be.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, I am merely doing this out of my own enjoyment, so please do not sue.

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The loneliness joy brings: Chapter one

The brunette speedily rushed down the stairs missing at least two or three steps each time by jumping. A look of happiness was plastered upon his face as he finally got out of the apartment building. He stopped for a few moments, taking his time to get a good look around at his surroundings. His smiled widened. The whole of Odaiba was buried under a white blanket of snow. Joyfully Taichi jumped into the air, his arm out stretched. "Yes!!!!!" he called out loudly, Ignoring the strange looks he was getting from the pass-buyers. "This is great!" He quickly began to run again.

He could not believe that it would be Christmas in only four days. But what made it even better, was the snow. Last year it hadn't snowed much around the days of Christmas, much to Taichi's disappointment. Now this year it had, and now Taichi was bursting with excitement. He was thirteen years old yet his younger sister Hikari said he acted more like four when it came to this time of year. Okay, he admitted it often got a little too over excited at Christmas time, but he couldn't help it. He loved just about everything about Christmas- well all except the egg-nogg. He hated that stuff. The first time he tried he was sick until two days afterwards. Obviously he had never drank it since. 

He looked at the watch on his wrist and ultimately began to run faster. He was supposed to have met Yamato at the bridge and as usual he was late. _Hope Yama isn't mad._

It was hard to believe two completely different people could become such great friends. Just over two years ago they acted like they hated each other, now they spent almost all of their free time together. Looking at his watch again, he realised that he was now fifteen minutes late. He decided to take a quick short cut through the park. His excitement grew stronger at the thought of seeing his best friend. This year was going to be the best Christmas ever, he was sure of it. 

Taking another leap into the air, he suddenly noticed some if his friends from school nearby. 

"Hey Taichi!"

"Taichi, what's up?"

"Hey guys!" he cried still continuing to run.

"Hey, wanna help us shovel some of the snow away and we can all get a game of soccer?" one of the boys yelled, holding a soccer ball under his arm.

With Taichi's great love of soccer, he sadly had to decline the offer. Of course this time it didn't really bother him, after all he had something much better to look forward too. "Sorry guys, I can't right now!"

He heard some of them give small groans of disappointment, something that he couldn't help but laugh at.

Five minutes, out of breath he finally reached his destination. "Hey um Hi Yama…to…"

The blond boy sighed. "Late again I see?" he said in a mocking sarcastic tone.

Taichi smiled back trying to look as innocent as he could. "Sorry."

The paler boy rolled his eyes. "It's okay." He turned around and gazed over the bridge. The water below was iced up with the extreme coldness. "So what took you so long anyway? Sleep in as usual?"

A tint of pink rose upon the tanned boys cheeks. "Kind of…"

Still turned away, Yamato gave a small smile. "I thought so."

"Well when Hikari-chan woke me up and told me that it had snowed the night before, I jumped out of bed! God isn't it great, Yama? I love the snow. It's one of the best things about Christmas! Well um except from the presents of course."

Yamato gave a small sigh that only he could hear. Sadly he did not share Taichi enthusiasm over the subject of Christmas.

"Yamato?"

"Huh?" He quickly turned back round to face his friend realising that he had just zoned out. "Yeah it's uh great."

Taichi nodded but something in Yamato's answer made him think that Yamato wasn't actually as excited as he hoped his friend would be.

The pair started to walk. At first they just talked about random things but soon the topic of Christmas arose again. 

"So what do you think you'll get this year?" Taichi asked curiously.

"For what?" asked Yamato, not really paying any attention to this particular conversation.

"For Christmas of course!"

"Oh…I'm not really sure…" 

"I hope I get a play station two!" Taichi cried out excitedly. I've been wanting one like forever! I hope my mum gets me good games!" Secretly Taichi was worried that he would wake up on Christmas morning happy to get the games console he wanted only to find out that his mum had got him crap games for it which involved puding a white ball into a hole, and another game which involves watering flowers.

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Oh, Taichi that game you wanted me to get you had horrible pictures of monsters all over the cover. Plus according to the warning label it contains a lot of violence. Shooting giant monsters with blood splattering everywhere! Such a game is not for a son of mines! Instead I got you this game. Look at it, it has a cute little kitty on the front! Now you and Hikari can play together! Kawaii, ne?!"

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Oh my God, what a horrible thought!"

Yamato frowned slightly. _Taichi is really, really excited about Christmas. _He gave another silent sigh. _Taichi…_

"Hey look! There's the Odaiba Park Christmas tree!" cried Taichi, pointing to the large decorated Christmas tree. Reluctantly Yamato chased after Taichi who was all ready making his way towards it. 

"It's really big! Not as big as Metalgreymon of course, but still really huge. It would be nice to see it lit up at night."

"I guess…" Yamato leaned back against the fence and slowly titled his head upwards to the sky. He still couldn't see what was so great about this stupid holiday and why his friend was so excited about. And the Christmas tree was like any other Christmas tree only a lot bigger. It was no big deal. "Um..Taichi?"

The brunette turned around. "Yeah?" 

"Um…Nothing, never mind." Yamato stuttered, shovelling his feet. 

Taichi nodded. "Okay."

For a couple of moments there was silence, both unsure of what to say. But that silence was soon interrupted as a mother and her over excited child walking by. "Mummy! Mummy!"

"What is it honey?"

"Mummy, lookie!" The little girl cried, pulling on her mother's hand. "Mummy look at the big Christmas tree!"

"Yes I see it." This scene was all too familiar to Yamato, and quickly he took a glance at Taichi.

"Santa Claus will be coming soon won't he?!" I'll get lots of presents cause I've been a good girl this year!"

"Yes dear, now come along, your father and brother are waiting for us at the bus stop." The woman replied as she quickly tried to usher her child along. 

Yamato continued to stare at them until they were finally out of site. _False hope…that's all it is…False hope…_

"I remember when I was that little. Christmas was great! It would still only be July and I would bug my mum about when Christmas would arrive." Stated Taichi, breaking the silence between them.

"Oh…"

The tanned boy sighed. "So what's wrong?"

"Wrong? What do you mean?" asked Yamato trying to sound surprised.

"Come on Yamato, I'm your best friend, I know you better than anybody else. And I definitely know when there is something wrong with you."

"Taichi there's nothing wrong with me." Yamato replied with a tint of hint of frustration. 

"Look I know you're not the most perky guy in the world, but you're never this gloomy. Come on it's the holidays you know. The happiest time of year!" 

"Taichi…"

"So cheer up! You get presents, and food, and there's all the decorations and-"

"Taichi!" Taichi suddenly stopped his ranting.. "Look Taichi, not everyone is as happy and excited about Christmas as you are, so I would appreciate it if you would just shut up about it!"

The brunette frowned, partly hurt by his friend's words. Yamato gazed upon his best friend's face and instantly felt guilty for yelling at him like. "Oh Taichi, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you like that. I'm just kind of pissed off about something right now. Sorry, I know I shouldn't be taking my anger off on you."

The other boy gave a small smile. "Hey no problem." Yamato smiled slightly too, thankful that Taichi had forgave him so easily.

"I um I'm sorry too. I just get so over excited about Christmas that I don't really shut up about it. I know it must get really annoying. Hey, I know, I promise not to say another single thing about Christmas until the moment that you get home."

"Taichi, you don't need-"

"Nope, I promise I won't say another thing about it!" he cried, flashing his friend that beautiful smile of his. Although Yamato was relived that there would be no more talking on the subject of Christmas, he felt bad for taking his friend's spirits down like that. Taichi couldn't help but feel over excited about the holidays. It wasn't his fault. Yamato suddenly felt like he would be the perfect person to be cast as scourge in the play 'A Christmas carol.' He sighed. _I feel like such an idiot_

"So do you want to go get something to eat? I didn't even have breakfast this morning!" Taichi called out holding his stomach.

"Yagami Taichi actually skipped a meal?! Now that's definitely unusual!" Yamato replied trying to lighten the mood with his sarcastic comments.

"Ha-ha-ha. Very funny!" Taichi said, cringing at his friend.

Yamato gave a soft laugh. "So are we going to get something to eat or what?"

"Okay then, lets go!" cried Taichi almost as half excited about eating as he was about Christmas.

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Both boys spend most of their day talking about how happy they were that they got off school, (One of the few things Yamato actually liked about Christmas), soccer and other various things that were nothing of great importance. But still they were happy they could be together. Taichi looked at his watch and realised that if he were late for dinner then his mother would kill him. Making a smart decision, he decided it was best if he headed home. But of course he would walk Yama home first. 

"You really didn't need to walk me home Tai."

"Hey it's no problem." Taichi stated kindly. "Hey, I can't wait to get presents!" Yamato stared in confusion, making Taichi laugh. "I said I wouldn't mention anything about Christmas until you got home and well…your home now…"

"Oh."

Taichi pouted, placing that innocent look on his face. "Come on Yama, don't tell me your not excited about getting presents!"

"Speaking of presents, Hikari's present is still in my apartment and still not wrapped up yet. And I suppose you haven't wrapped up your parents presents either then?"

The brunette sweat dropped. "Well uh not exactly."

Yamato sighed. "Your hopeless."

"Hey I'll do it before Christmas!"

Yamato gave him a sly smile. "Let me guess, you'll run around on Christmas Eve trying to get everything wrapped up and organised?"

A tint of red came upon the tanned boy's cheeks. "Well…"

"Just as I thought."

"At least I'll get it done! That's what counts, right?" Taichi called out in his defence.

Yamato ignored his friend's comment and returned to the subject of Hikari's presents. "So you want to come up and get it now?"

"Nah I'll just get it some other time." The brunette replied sticking to his usual plan of rushing around trying to get everything ready on Christmas Eve.

Yamato frowned slightly. "I think you should just come up and get it now."

"Man, what's the big deal whether I wrap it up today or on Christmas Eve?"

"It-it's not that…"

"Then what?"

The blond sighed. "It's nothing, just come up and get it now." He spoke before turning around and heading upstairs to his apartment. Taichi groaned, feeling partly annoyed. He hated it when Yamato tried to hide things from him, especially when something was obviously wrong. Furthermore it hurt him that his best friend didn't trust him enough to even confine his feelings and thoughts to. He went up after his friend hoping that there was a way he could force it out of Yamato. 

Opening the door, Yamato took his shoes off before entering the living room. Neatly he placed them beside the step and shovelled into his slippers. With that he went in his room to try and find Hikari's present.

Taichi walked in and closed the door behind him. He removed his shoes and placed them beside Yamato's. Almost forgetting, he slipped on the guest slippers before continuing any further. He gazed around the living room curiously. He hadn't been in Yamato's house for over a week now because of the extension on soccer practice. Taichi was mad at his coach for this since the sudden announcement had come out of no where. 

Once he had gotten a full look of the apartment he frowned. There were barely any decorations with the accuse of a few straggly decorations and a small 3 foot Christmas tree that sat in the corner were if Taichi hadn't being glancing around wouldn't have even noticed it. 

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Well the Ishida's are sure getting into the holiday spirit… Yama's dad works a lot so I guess he wouldn't really have time to put up the Christmas decorations but Yamato… He sighed. _Maybe I'm just overreacting. So he doesn't like Christmas, it's no big deal. But I guess it just kind of bothers me even though I know it shouldn't…_

"Sorry it's taking so long! I know I left it in my closet but I just can't seem to find it!" Yamato called out from his room. "I'll be out in a couple of minutes when I find it!"

"What?! Mr. Organised can't find something in the lovely clean room of his?!" Taichi joked trying to calm his mind down. But now not even his stupid comments could stop him from worrying over Yamato. Taichi was right in what he had said before. Yamato was usually never this sad. He let his body fall against the couch feeling gloomily dispirited. 

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Yamato why are you so pessimistic about Christmas? Why won't you tell me? Don't you want me to help? Yamato please be happy…Be happy for me…

"I found it!" cried Yamato as he entered the small living room. "Here." He handed the small art kit to Taichi. Hikari loved to draw and despite the fact that she all ready had several other drawing and painting materials, Taichi decided that this was the perfect gift for his little sister. Taichi took the present without even setting a glance upon his best friend's face. "Thanks. Thanks for keeping it Yamato."

The tone of his friend's voice instantly told Yamato that there was something wrong. It was extremely easy to tell when something was wrong with the brunette as his optimistic exterior went way down.

"Taichi, what's wrong?"

"Nothing…" he stated in a mechanistic tone.

"Taichi there is something wrong isn't there? You can tell me Taichi." His friend urged lightly. 

"Oh really? If I can tell you what's wrong, then why can't you tell me what's wrong with you?!"

"Taichi…"

"Am I not a good enough friend?!" he shouted, almost on the verge of tears.

"No of course not! Taichi you're the greatest friend I've ever had in my entire life!"

"Really?" Taichi queried wiping the tears from his large brown eyes.

Yamato nodded. "Yes. Well um, best human friend anyway."

The brunette smiled. "Same here."

A small pink blushes rose upon Yamato's cheeks. Quietly he mumbled thanks, not really knowing what else to say in situations like these.

"So why have you been-"

"Acting more gloomy than usual?" Taichi nodded. "I guess it's not really a big deal and I don't know why I was even acting the way I was. It's just that…. Well my dad gas to go away on a business trip and I have to go with him, that's all."

"So when are you and your dad going?" Taichi asked curiously.

The blond let out a sigh as he leant his body against the wall. "Christmas Eve."

"What?! Christmas Eve?!" the brunette shouted in shock.

"Yep, I'll be spending Christmas in some crappy hotel room, and guess what, my dad won't even be there for most of the day."

"You mean you have to spend Christmas day all by yourself?"

Yamato nodded. The thought made him feel slightly depressed even though spending days alone wasn't anything new to him. He was not really sure why it bothered him so much. _Pull it together Ishida, it's no big deal and you know it. But then again, why is Taichi making such a fuss about it?_

"How can your dad make you spend Christmas day in a hotel room? Where is it your going anyway?"

"Shibuya, the Television Company has some business there. But I guess it's not really his fault since the company is making him go there."

"Couldn't he have just said no?"

Yamato sighed, looking down he began to shuffle his feet about. "It's not that simple Taichi. There is like a hundred people after my dad's job and if my father refused then there's a good chance he could have gotten fired."

"So much for Christmas spirit." Taichi muttered under his breath, cursing the stupid company in his mind. Nobody deserved to spend Christmas alone, especially not Yamato. "Hey Yamato, couldn't you spend Christmas with you mum? Since you don't see her very often, I'm sure she'd be happy if you spent Christmas with her. I know Takeru would love it if you spend Christmas with them."

Yamato shook his sadly. "No, my mum and Takeru are flying out to Osaka to visit some relatives in two days. And since it 'tis the season all the seats for that flight are book."

"Yamato…"

"Hey like I said, it's not a big deal. So I spend one day alone, it won't kill me. Besides I bet my dad will let me call room service. I can order movies and food, and maybe they'll even have free porn." Joked Yamato.

"Even so, you'll still be all alone for most of Christmas day." Stated Taichi, feeling awful about the whole situation.

Yamato sighed. "I think your taking the whole situation way to seriously."

"But-"

"I'd better clean my room and make a start at getting dinner ready before dad gets home. That is, if he's not working late again…" Taichi looked upon his friend sadly. He could hear the sorrow in his voice, yet Yamato refused to let anyone know he was upset, not even his best friend. 

"I guess I better go before I'm late for dinner again."

Yamato nodded. "Okay."

"Hey um thanks for keeping Hikari's present for me."

"No problem."

Before walking out the door, Taichi turned back around giving his friend a small sympathetic smile. "Ja ne."

"Ja ne, Taichi…" Yamato whispered quietly as Taichi shut the door. Slowly he gazed around the apartment and that unpleasant feeling of loneliness returned. He was alone once again… Just like he always would be…

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Authors Notes: I hope this story is all right so far. I think there will probably be around three chapters so I'll try to post chapter two as soon as possible. Taichi might have seemed a little bit annoying but I see him as the kind of person that would get excited about Christmas easily. Plus hyper, excited Tai-chan proves to be very cute, as does pessimistic Yama. I'd appreciate very much if you would review. Thank you lots for reading.


	2. Best ever?

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Author Notes: I'm really sorry, it took longer than I expected to get this chapter out. I've been quite busy this week unfortunately. Although it is after Christmas I'll still keep posting. It would be wrong to just stop posting after all the nice people read the first chapter. Only one more chapter after this one I think anyway.

Thank you to Redrum, Angel of Peace, nEo-cHan, kellyQ, neo, FireDemon, WildfireFriendship, Crysie, Debra, Leiko and Sophie V for all your reviews. It is appreciated very much. I hope this chapter is all right.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, please do not sue. 

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The loneliness joy brings Chapter two: Best ever?

The happiness Taichi had experienced just hours ago was gone leaving him with feelings of sorrow and confusion. He couldn't escape the thought of Yamato sitting in a hotel room all by himself. It was no wonder that Yamato wasn't happy about Christmas. Taichi remembered all the Christmas's he and his family had went and spent at his aunt's house. There were so many relatives there that Taichi could barely breathe let alone move. But now the thought didn't seem so bad, besides on the plus side he got lots of presents from lots of different relatives, even though a lot of them proved to be rather crappy gifts.

"Poor Yama…"

He opened the door to his apartment and reluctantly walked in.

"Oh hi honey, you're just in time for dinner." His mother called to him cheerfully.

"Onii-san!" Hikari got up from the couch and ran to greet her older brother.

"Hey, Hikari."

"Hey what's that you have under your arm?" the young girl asked curiously.

"Huh?" He looked under his arm suddenly realising that he was holding his sister's present. "Ah!" Quickly he pushed it behind his back. "It's nothing! Don't look!"

A large smile grew upon her face. "It's my Christmas present isn't it?! Come on Taichi show it to me!" She cried while trying to grab it off him.

"Hikari, leave it alone! Go away!"

"Awwww come on Taichi…. Please?"

"No!"

"Hikari, Taichi it's time for dinner!"

Hikari groaned. Reluctantly she went and sat at the table while Taichi ran into his bedroom to hide the little art kit.

"Taichi hurry up!" yelled his father.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." He sat down at the table and stared silently at his family who had all ready started eating and were now talking amongst one and other. The guilt of Yamato being all alone grew stronger. Looking around at his family he began to realise just how lucky he was. He hated Yamato's father for leaving him alone on Christmas even though it wasn't entirely his fault. _This sucks…_

"Taichi is something wrong?" his mother asked, concerned over her son's quietness. 

"No mum, nothing's wrong."

"Are you sure son?" his father queried.

"It's just that you seem kind of distant. This morning when you woke up you seemed really happy, but now you seem rather down."

"Yeah this morning you couldn't even shut up for a minute!" Hikari added easily realising that her brother wasn't acting himself."

"No, nothing is wrong." The brunette stated becoming slightly aggravated.

"Taichi…"

Taichi stared down as his plate. "Well maybe there is something wrong… It's not me, it-it's Yamato…."

"Oh my, what's wrong?" his mother asked worriedly.

"Yeah what's wrong with Yamato?" asked Hikari as equally concerned as her mother.

"His dad is going on a business trip and he has to go with him."

"Oh is he worried about going away? I thought he had been away on trips with his dad before."

"Yeah, but this time its on Christmas. His dad is going to be really busy meaning Yamato will have to spend most of the trip all alone, including being by himself on Christmas day in some stupid hotel room."

"That's awful. I knew Yamato's father was a really busy man but I would never have thought that the television station would have made him work and travel during Christmas. Couldn't the Company just ask someone who's not going anywhere on Christmas day to cover for him?"

Taichi shook his head sadly. "No, that's what I asked. There are so many people after his job that he couldn't give it up. He can't stay with his mum either because she and Takeru are going to Osaka to spend the holidays with some relatives."

"Poor kid, he must get awful lonely at time." Stated Mr. Yagami before shoving a mouth full of potatoes into his mouth. "But I suppose with Ishida-san's situation he has no other choice."

"Don't eat with your mouth full." Mrs. Yagami sighed.

Taichi bit on to his lower lip. An idea was forming in his mind. He looked up again at his family who were now talking about something that he hadn't paid attention too.

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Yamato…

"Mum? Dad?"

"What is it sweetie?"

"I-I was just wondering… well since Yamato is going to be alone this Christmas, and well since we're not going to aunt Mayuko's this year, I was just thinking why don't we invite Yamato over here?"

There were a few moments of silence. Taichi eye's stared at his knees while waiting for answer, to afraid to look up at his parents in case the answer was No. 

Mrs. Yagami gave her son a sympathetic smile. "Will this was the first Christmas that we were going to spend just the four of us, but it just doesn't seem fair to leave Yamato alone, so of course he can come."

"Really?! He can really stay?" Taichi called out excitedly, a huge smile forming on his face. 

"Yes, but we must make sure it's all right with his father first."

Hikari smiled cheerfully. "It will be fun to have Yamato stay with us."

"Great! I'm going to phone him right now!"

"Huh, Taichi what about your-" but before Mrs. Yagami could say anymore, he was all ready away in his room. She sighed and looked at his plate still full of food. "And I worked so hard making this. I suppose I can just wrap it up and put it away for him for later."

"Honey wait!" her husband shouted quickly grabbing the plate off her. She stared in confusion. "I'm sure Taichi's far to excited about his friend spending Christmas with us to eat anything, and well you know what they say, food always tastes better when first ready. So instead of wasting that great taste I'll just eat it."

Mrs. Yagami cocked an eyebrow at him. "Such a pig…"

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Yamato gave a sigh as he flicked through the countless number of television channels. And despite the large number nothing worth watching was on. Annoyed, he switched off the television and threw the remote control on to the floor. He lifted his legs and suddenly curled into a small ball. He felt so empty, yet there were hundreds of emotions flowing through his mind, so many that he didn't even know what to feel. Part of him was sure it was hatred, hatred for this stupid, meaningless holiday. There was really no point to it. Commercialism had taken over long ago anyway. His thoughts were driving him insane. He wanted to distract himself from the self-pity growing inside of him. But there were no books and nothing good was on Tv to calm his mind. _I hate this…._

Suddenly the phone rang giving the blond boy a small fright. Rolling his eyes, Yamato got up to answer the phone. He expected it to be his father telling him that he was sorry but had to work late, but to Yamato's surprise it wasn't his dad who called.

"Hey Yama, it's Taichi!" a voice shouted from the other line.

"Oh, hi."

"Guess what! You won't have to spent Christmas all alone this year!" Taichi cried out excitedly.

"Uh?"

"I asked my parents and they said that it would be okay if you came spend Christmas with us. Now you won't need to be all alone isn't it great?! But my Mum said you'd have to ask your dad first. Is he still at work?"

It took Yamato a few moments to take in all that had been said. Had Taichi just invited him to spend Christmas with him and his family? The thought made Yamato's heart give a leap. Taichi cared about him enough that he invited him over for Christmas? He would no longer need to spend it in some stinky hotel now. Now he could spend it was his very best friend. Such a thing seemed too good to be true. A small smile flickered upon his face, yet the smile didn't last as his pessimistic nature kicked in. The only reason the Yagami's were even letting him stay was because they felt sorry for him, that was all. All of this was out of self-pity, not because they really wanted him there. God, he was pathetic, and at that moment Yamato wished desperately that he could just scream.

"Yamato? Yamato are you still there?"

"Huh? Oh um yeah."

"So you think your dad will allow you to come spend Christmas with me?" Taichi asked feeling hopeful.

Yamato bit his lip. Now that he knew the truth, he wasn't sure if he wanted to go. 

__

What do I do? I don't want to lie to Taichi. I hate lying to Taichi. Maybe my dad won't let me stay, then I'll have to go with him to Shibuya. But then again, I don't want to go to Shibuya either. Man, I don't know what I want…

"Um I'm not sure, I'll have to ask him…" Yamato replied, his voice full of unease. 

"Okay. I'm sure he'll let you stay, won't he?"

Yamato sighed. "I'm not sure, and besides I really don't want to intrude on your family."

"What? Hey come on your not intruding! We're the ones that invited you, remember. You can't intrude if you've been invited over so don't threat about it."

Yamato nodded despite the fact that his friend could not even see him. "Thanks Taichi your good friend."

Taichi gave a small laugh. "No problem."

"Well I um better go now."

"Oh okay."

"I-I I'll call you back after I ask my dad."

"Okay. Call me back as soon as he's given you answer okay!"

"O-Okay. Bye."

"Bye!" 

Yamato put the phone down with a large frown set upon his face. _What do I do now? _

A few hours later he went to bed in hope that some sleep would ease his mind, But unfortunately the sleep he so desperately craved for never came. He heard his father enter the apartment. Gazing at the clock next to his bed he realized that it was all ready past midnight. He was tempted to get up and explain to his father about Taichi inviting him to spend Christmas with him and his family. Yet something held him back. Perhaps the anxiety of waiting wasn't as aggravating as he had first perceived it to be. He remembered Taichi telling him to call him back as soon as his father gave him an answer. But the time was late and he was absolutely positive that Taichi's parents would have a fit if he were to call at this time. Finally he decided he would just leave his question until tomorrow. His father probably would have been to tired to get a full grasp of what his son was talking about anyway. 

__

Just go to sleep and forget about it. You really are taking this too seriously. 

Sleep eventually came for him only a few hours later that he had hoped. 

Waking up early the next morning, he decided he might as well get up. Once finished getting washed and ready, he made a quick start on breakfast. His dad would be getting up soon to get ready for work and no doubt he would be hungry. Yamato was surprised that the Television Company hadn't just asked him to live there with all the hours of work he was forced to do. Most of the time he believed that that his father coming home to sleep and get showered was pointless. 

Yamato sighed and continued to flip the eggs he was preparing. Although it was only he and his dad he was making breakfast for, he always ended up making more food than was needed. He was unsure to why he did this for most of the time he would just be making food for himself. Now he just classed it as some strange habit he had familiarly came accustomed to over the years. 

"Ya-Yamato?" Yamato turned around to see his father standing in the doorway of his bedroom, yawning loudly. To Yamato's surprise he was all ready dressed. "What are you doing up? I thought you had the day off because of the holidays."

The younger boy shrugged. "Didn't sleep well last night, that's all. Anyway I made eggs with toast for breakfast today. They'll be ready in a few minutes if you want to wait."

"Oh great I'm starving. I haven't had anything to eat since dinnertime yesterday." His father exclaimed, obviously looking forward to eating the meal his son was preparing. 

"The company don't give you many breaks do they?" Yamato stated rhetorically.

Mr. Ishida sighed. "That they don't, but at this time of the year things tend to get a bit chaotic. I suppose it can't be helped." The man frowned when his son never replied. "Look Yamato I'm really sorry that I'm going on this stupid trip and even more sorry that I'm dragging you with me. I know this isn't the sort of Christmas you-"

"No I don't mind. I don't care much for Christmas anyway."

"No you never did, did you?" his father spoke with a tint of sadness in his voice.

There were a few moments of silence as both males stared at each other, yet they were directly looking at the other. Both were lost in there own thoughts with there own problems in their own worlds. Yamato's contemplation was interrupted as he quickly remembered the breakfast he was preparing. He got up and 

Instantly tended to the food. A small invisible smile came upon his lips upon realising that his food had not been ruined. Switching off the stove he put the fried eggs on to two separate plates and put a piece of toast each next to it.

Mr. Ishida smiled as the plate was set down in front of him. "They look delicious!"

"Orange juice?" asked Yamato taking a bottle from the fridge.

"Oh um yes please." After pouring the orange liquid into a glass for him father, he finally sat down at the table himself.

"Hmmmm this is great! You're an amazing cook!" praised his father.

"Well you wouldn't really know would you since you're always at work. You've barely had a chance taste any of the stuff I cook for dinner. That could be disgusting for all you know." Yamato replied feeling slightly annoyed. 

Mr. Ishida sighed and took a sip of his juice. "No I guess I wouldn't. Your mother however said you prepared a wonderful meal for her and Takeru that time you stayed with them." 

"That was awhile ago." Yamato stated uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry that you couldn't stay with them while I'm away. If those damn bastards at work had of said something about the trip a few weeks earlier I could have arranged something with your mother! Maybe you could have even went to Osaka with them."

"Doesn't matter, those whole family Christmas get together things don't suit me. To be honest they all seem a bit lame to me."

His father laughed. "Yes I know what you mean. But still I just feel so guilty about all of this."

Yamato bit his lower lip and shifted feeling strangely anxious. "Yamato what's wrong?"

"It-s uh…Taichi." He took a small breath before continuing. "Taichi he phoned last night and asked if I wanted to spend Christmas with him and his family." 

To say the least, Mr. Ishida was very surprised by the answer he received. But his face soon brightened and he smiled at his son. "Taichi-kun is a very good friend, ne?"

Yamato nodded, but then added quietly, "I don't know if I'll go thought."

"Hmm why not?" his father asked, puzzled.

"I'd feel bad for leaving you alone on Christmas. I mean Christmas is about to be about family and stuff and well you're my family, not Taichi, Hikari and their parents."

"Yes but Takeru and your mother are your family and you're not spending Christmas day with them." Yamato became dishearted at the hearing of this truth. "Yamato be honest with yourself. Do you really want to spend Christmas all by yourself?" He didn't answer. "Taichi is your friend, and well since he invited you, I think it would be a good idea if you went. To be honest it would put my mind at rest."

Yamato blinked curiously. "Why?"

"Oh nothing really. Hmmm." He said shoving an egg into his mouth. "Well I'd better go get washed then leave else I'll be late. Those bastards will kill me if I'm late again." Yamato didn't reply. 

As he heard his father shut the bathroom door, he groaned loudly. "Kuso…" He hated it when his father said things like that then not tell him what he meant. He distressed him greatly. _Baka. _

Twenty minutes later his father left. He sighed and stared at the phone across the room. "I guess I have no choice…" Slowly he got up and picked up the phone. He stared at the keys for a few moments before actually dialling as if pondering if he should really call.

"I'll get it!" cried Taichi rushing towards the telephone. Both his parents blinked in astonishment. "He-he's actually up this early?!"

"Moshi. Moshi."

"Uh, Taichi-"

"Hey Yama! So what did your Otou-san say? Can you stay?"

"Well I don't-"

"Please, please, please say he said yes! I would really love it if you could spend Christmas with us. Hikari-chan is really looking forward to it too."

Yamato's grasp on the phone tightened. "My-My Otou-san he said um…he said it would be all right if I stayed…" 

"What?! Really?! This is great! I'm sure we'll have lots of fun. With you to spend Christmas with, I'm sure it will be the best ever!"

The blond boy frowned. _Best ever?_

"Hey Yamato you do want to spend Christmas with me right?" Taichi asked, his voice filled with doubt making him sound like an innocent little child. 

Yamato was got quite off guard by his friend's question. How could he give Taichi an answer if he didn't know himself? But to satisfy his friend's excitement he replied, "Yes"

A smile came upon Taichi's lips, something that Yamato obviously couldn't see. "Good."

"Yeah..."

"So you'll be coming over tomorrow then?"

"Huh? Oh-oh yeah. My Otou-san leaves tomorrow afternoon, Christmas Eve."

"Great, well I'll see you tomorrow then. Call me tonight and we can arrange things."

"Okay, I will."

"Talk to you soon. And um Yamato, I'm really glad I get to spend my favourite day of the years with you. Bye."

The other line clicked and Yamato could not bring himself to say goodbye. _Christmas? I'm just glad I get to spend any day of the year with you… But the truth is I really don't know…_

****

Authors Notes: I hope this chapter was okay. The reason I didn't have Taichi ask Yamato to spend Christmas with him right away was so I could show Taichi realising how lonely his friend must feel. Plus I can try to show more character development this way. 

Although this was pointless I added in Yamato making more food that is needed to show his loneliness. It can be considered psychological in away, but I did this as away to show that he doesn't actually want to me alone. He would rather make food for a family than just for him and his dad. He makes more food than needed in hope in hope than one day he will be able to share it and not be alone, although he doesn't realise this himself. Okay this was pointless I admit. I just like adding in things like this to try and convey the characters personalities more. 

If any one wants me too, I will post the next chapter even though Christmas is over. Thanks for reading. Please review as I enjoy reading them very much, and they help me improve. Arigatou gozaimasu! 


	3. To smile or cry?

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Authors Notes: Here's chapter three. This won't be the last chapter like I originally thought. The more I wrote the more ideas I got so added them in. I just hope my ideas are all right. Thank you everyone for reading so far, and thanks too: Defining Angel, sumi-kawaii, Crysie, Marg, Wildfirefriendship, Sophie V, nEo-cHan, Debra, Angel of peace, Hitori and yamatoforever for reviewing chapter 2. I was really surprised by the number of reviews I got. 22 reviews for two chapters! *blushes*** **Arigatou gozaimasu! ^_^

I apologise for any spelling/ grammar errors there may be. I hope this chapter is all right. 

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. Please do not sue.

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The loneliness joy brings Chapter three: To smile or cry? 

After the phone call with Taichi, Yamato's day had gone in very slowly. Tensely he had told his father that he had decided to stay with Taichi when he had come home. Funnily enough that night had been one of the few nights when Mr. Ishida finished work at the normal working times. He called Taichi back later that night, just like the brunette had told him to do so they could arrange things like what he was to bring and how long his father would be away for. Mr. Ishida reckoned he would return on the night of the 26th, but for some reason if he had to stay there longer, the Yagami family welcomed Yamato to stay there as long as he needed until his father came back home.

*********************************************** 

Yamato let out a small sigh as the car pulled up outside Taichi's apartment building. "Thanks Dad." He bided as he went to open the car door. 

"Hey how about I come up with you?" offered his father giving his son a small smile.

Yamato shook his head. "It's okay, you need to hurry and I can manage myself."

Mr. Ishida frowned. "I could always help you up with your luggage. It may be heavy."

"Otou-san, its only one bag."  
"Oh right. Well in just wanted to make sure everything was all right. Hey you know maybe-"

"Okay, okay you can come up, but remember your train leaves soon and you don't want to be late."

The man glanced at his watch and a look of shock came upon his face. "Holy crap, you're right! God, I better hurry up. Come on hurry up and get out of the car!" he yelled slamming the car door shut. Quickly he grabbed his son and Yamato's bag and rushed him up the flight of stairs. 

Both stood gasping for breath as they rang the doorbell. Mrs.Yagami opened the door, kindly flashing them both a smile. "Yamato-kun, Ishida-san, welcome. Come right in."

"Sor-sorry I can't really stay long, I'm in a hurry." The man stated still trying to maintain more air.

"Oh I see. Well don't worry, we'll take good care Yamato-kun while you're away."

"Thank you so much for offering to look after Yamato while I'm gone."

"Oh it's out pleasure. Besides Taichi's really looking forward to it." She replied turning her glance towards Yamato. "Wait there and I'll shout on him."

"Taichi hurry up, Yamato is here!"

The annoyed brunette stuck his head out behind his door. "Mum what is-" His face brightened instantly as he suddenly spotted Yamato's presence. "Yamato you're here!" Quickly he ran towards the door giving his friend a huge smile. Funnily enough Yamato felt blushes rise upon his cheeks. "Kon-Konnichiwa."

"Well I'd better be going now." Announced Mr. Ishida.

"Good bye sir." Said Taichi. 

The man smiled. "Thank you Taichi-kun for being such a good friend to my son."

Taichi's cheeks turned red. "No-no problem." Yamato too found himself embarrassed by his father's words. 

"Well son, I hope you have a good time."

"Yeah."

Both Ishida's stared at each other for a few moments, both unsure of how to act or what to do. Most people usually hug and say goodbye when leaving their families, yet this was something they were not accustomed too. Instead Mr. Ishida held out his hand to his son, and in turn Yamato took it.

"Sayonara."  
"Hai, sayonara."

Taichi and his mother were quite surprised about their interaction towards each other even though they knew they shouldn't have been. Both knew of Yamato and his father's situation. The man spent so much time at work that his son barely knew him, and in turn he barely knew his son. Yamato didn't know his mother well either as she had chosen to live quite a distance away. Secretly Taichi knew that Yamato wasn't to fond of his mother. She seemed like a nice enough woman, yet Taichi knew that Yamato had taken his parents divorce hard and this in turn most likely changed the view he held of her. Thankfully Yamato's encounter in the Digital world had brought him closer together with his younger brother Takeru. Now the pair was as close as could be. The only problem was they barely got to spend time together as Takeru lived with his mother; each parents taking a child to care for after the divorce. Even more saddening however was that Takeru was one of the most important things in Yamato's life and yet again he had been taken away from him. 

It was at that moment Taichi finally realised how agonising Yamato's life really was. As he watched Mr. Ishida leave he swore to himself that he would make this Yamato's best Christmas ever no matter what.

"Oh Yamato let me take your coat." Mrs. Yagami offered kindly. Yamato was quite sure she was trying to hide the pity she felt her him. The thought of someone feeling sorry for him bothered Yamato greatly, even to the point were he wanted to scream. Nobody had really felt sorry for him. Not until he had become friends with the other chosen children. Slowly he began to wonder what friendship really brought him. Not happiness, not security, but pity…

"Yama?" Taichi suddenly awoke him from his pessimistic thoughts. He frowned. Even Taichi pitied him. His once declared enemy pitied him. It really was sickening. Taichi gazed at the blond boy sadly. Gently he placed a hand upon Yamato's shoulder. "Yamato are you all right?"

Suddenly Yamato realised that he was behaving stupidly. If he really wanted people to stop pitying him then he had to stop pitying himself. He forced a smile upon his lips and nodded. "Yep I'm fine." Partly this was a lie, but he no longer wished to worry Taichi. 

"Great, lets go into my room."

"Oh do you boy's want anything to eat?" called Mrs. Yagami as they ran off towards Taichi's room.

Taichi stopped and turned around. Sarcastically he said, "We don't want to poison Yamato just yet. We should at least wait until dinner." With that he shut the door leaving his annoyed mother. 

Giving a huge sigh Yamato threw his bag on to Taichi's bed along with himself. In away, Taichi's bedroom was like a second home to him. With Taichi he knew he was always welcomed here. Or at least this is what he hoped. Taichi suddenly leapt on to the bed beside Yamato flashing him a huge smile. Yamato couldn't help but laugh. Maybe he was just being to over dramatic about everything lately. 

__

Taichi's my friend, not my enemy. He's only pitying me cause he's worried about me. That's what friends do, they worry and care about each other. Yes, Taichi cares about me…

These five small words were enough to make Yamato's heart melt. But at the same time, this troubled him. If he had Taichi then why did he feel so depressed? Why did he feel so alone? 

__

I don't want to be alone! I don't want to be alone! I want to have friends! I want to be happy! I don't want to be alone! I don't want to be alone! I want my Taichi! 

Yamato's eyes shot open. "Yamato? Yamato! What's wrong?!" cried Taichi gently shaking him. "Tell me what's wrong!"

The blond boy blinked and faced him. "Taichi?"

"Yes? Yes was is it?" To Taichi's surprise, a smile came upon his friend's face. It looked odd at first but as he looked deeper he realised how much it suited his friend. For it was a smile he had not seen for a long time. Suddenly Yamato leapt on top of him. Taichi stared at him in bewilderment. Perhaps Yamato was finally showing signs of happiness? Was Yamato finally happy? He greatly hoped so, and there was in no way he was going to deny the boy the joy he greatly deserved. 

Laughing Taichi pushed him back. "Hah no one can up to the almighty Yagami Taichi!"

The blonde laughed back. "Sure about that goggle boy?" he replied jumping back on top of the brunette.

"Perhaps I've finally found a worthy opponent."

"Worthy? Come on, I'm way out of your league!" 

"Is that so, blondey?"

"I'm afraid so goggle head, now prepare to face my wrath!" Playfully the two boys began to wrestle. Taichi was a lot stronger than Yamato, but the blond held up on his own. Taichi was extremely grateful to see a smile on his friend's face. 

__

Yamato be happy…Please be happy…for me….

************************************************************

"That- that's the presents you wrapped up?" asked Yamato amazed at how badly Taichi had wrapped the gifts he had bought for his family.

"Hai." Replied Taichi giving a nod.

Yamato sweat dropped. "Um Taichi you uh haven't had much practice at wrapping gifts have you?"

"Hey what's that supposed to mean?!" He stopped and sighed. "You're right, they look like crap. My cat Meeko could probably wrap them better than me."

Yamato gave a small chuckle. "Well I'm not going to deny you any of those facts, but remember it's the thought of the present that counts."

The brunette nodded. "I guess you're right. I just hope they like their gifts."

"What did you get them anyway?"

"I got my Okaa-san a cook book. I flipped through it before I bought it though to make sure there weren't any new ways she could poison us."

Yamato suddenly felt his stomach churn. In the past he had always tried to avoid eating dinner with the Yagami's. It wasn't that he didn't like them. After all they were actually really nice people. But of course Mrs. Yagami's cooking wasn't that great. One night when he had his dinner there Taichi's mum had made her own recipe. She and Mr. Yagami were actually the only ones who liked it, something that Yamato found oddly disgusting. He was sick for two days after it and ended up missing the next couple of days of school. He never told Taichi the real reason why he stayed off though. The reason hadn't been because he didn't want to offend his mothers cooking in front of him, hell Taichi complained about it all the time, but if he had told him, then Taichi would no doubt complain to his mother saying that he got Yamato sick. She of course would get worked up about it and become upset, something which Yamato didn't want. Taichi on the other hand would class it as a way to get his mother to stop creating her own recipes. 

Noticing that he had phased off again Yamato asked Taichi what he got his father.

"A tool box. The only problem is my dad is terrible as fixing things!"

Yamato laughed mockingly. "So your mum can't cook and you dad is crap at fixing things. What are you going to be like when you grow up then?"

"Hey I'm better at my parents at stuff like that!"

Yamato gave small smile of reassurance. "Yes, I know you are. I was only kidding."

This in turn made Taichi blush. Trying to change the situation as quickly as possible he added that he still hadn't wrapped Hikari's present. "I- I was wondering, well um since I'm really bad at wrapping presents and well you're really good. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to help me wrap it up?"

The blond smiled sweetly. "Of course."

"Great!" Taichi ran to his drawer and took out his sisters present. Quickly he ducked under his bed pulling out some wrapping and sellotape. "Um I still need to find some scissors." He stated rummaging through the pile of junk left on his desk. 

As if on cue, Hikari came running into the room. "Hello!"

Taichi groaned. "Hikari what are you doing here?"

"I came to say hello to Yamato since he would be staying with us, plus I wanted to find out what you were doing."

"Figures. Well that's none of your business so go away!"

She sighed and folded her arms. "Onii-san had became so grumpy since we returned from the Digital world."

"Hey that's not true!"

Yamato gave a small laugh as he watched the pair argue. He wondered if he and Takeru lived together would they have acted like this?

"Hey Yamato's what's that?" the little girl asked curiously as she knelt down on to the floor beside him. 

"Huh? It's uh nothing!" he cried quickly trying to hide her gift behind his back.

As before her face lit up. "It's my present isn't it?"

"What? No- no it isn't!" 

She moved closer to Yamato, putting on a sweetingly sick innocent face. "Oh please Yamato. Please let me see it?"

"Hikari get out of here, you'll get your presents tomorrow like everybody else!" yelled Taichi moving across the room.

"Oh yeah I'll wait patiently just like you when you trashed the house the other day looking for your presents." She said with a hint of sarcasm. "You couldn't even find any I might add."

"That's it!" Yamato laughed loudly as he watched Taichi chase his little sister about the room. He had to admit on Hikari's part, it was a good comeback. 

"Ahh Taichi stop it!" Grabbing his sister, the brunette tossed her out the room. Hikari stuck her tongue out at him just as he shut the door.

He sighed, placing his hand on his forehead. "Little sisters how annoying."

"Brown headed goggle boys, how annoying." chuckled Yamato. Like his sister, Taichi stuck his tongue out, making Yamato laugh even more. 

Unlike the day before, today passed by quite quickly for Yamato. For the most he tried to ignore his worries and act happy. It was obvious that Taichi had invited him here to try cheer him up and of course he didn't want Taichi's efforts to go in vain, so most of the day he kept a smile on his face, sometimes real, sometimes fake. Taichi was still going on about how much he wanted a playstation 2. Taichi was a video-game fanatic and ultimately became jealous of those who could beat him in video games. Yamato himself had never really taken an interest in playing such things. Often he would play Taichi, but could never seem to find the joy Taichi got from playing them. It was clear that Yamato's interests lay somewhere else. 

"Kids its time for dinner!"

Taichi let out a loud groan. "Okay Yamato prepared to be poisoned."

"Um Taichi your mum isn't using any of her own recipes today is she?" Yamato asked nervously. 

"God I hope not… Anyway we better go." 

Mrs. Yagami greeted them kindly as they sat down at the table. "Oh Yamato-kun your father brought your presents last night. Just thought I'd tell you in case you thought you weren't going to get any tomorrow."

"Oh. Thanks." The thought of presents had not yet crossed his mind. Truthfully he was surprised that his father has even bothered to bring them over. 

"I'll put them out with Taichi and -" Suddenly she stopped catching a glance at her daughter. "Oh I uh mean Santa Claus will bring your presents along with Taichi's and Hikari's." 

"Okaa-san I'm ten years old. I don't believe in Santa Claus!" yelled Hikari in embarrassment.

"Oh no dead don't say that or Santa will only bring you coal." Both Taichi and Yamato sweat dropped.

Thankfully the meal that Mrs. Yagami had prepared was quite nice seeing that she had followed the recipe book this time. Curiously Yamato gazed around at Taichi and his family. They were all laughing and smiling. They were happy. It suddenly occurred to Yamato how different he was from these people, how much he didn't fit in, how he didn't belong here.

__

This is all out of pity I know, but I'm sure I'm all ready aware of that fact.

No Taichi cares about!

Of course he does, he's my best friend, but that doesn't mean to say that he's not doing this out of pity. After all, does his family care about you as much as he does?

Yamato was unsure of how to answer his other self. Instead he remained silent. 

__

I didn't think so… I don't belong here and I know it. That's why I hate it so much here. That's why I always try to hide behind that smile! Face it I'm not wanted. Nobody wants poor Yama around.

No they-

That's why Otou-san went on that trip. That's why he forced me here. After all why do you think if I stayed here it would put his mind at rest? That way he wouldn't have to look at me. That way he wouldn't need to be so disgusted with my patheticness!

Stop it!

Not even mummy invites me to spend Christmas with her! Does that prove that I am not wanted? I'm depressed all the time because I feel sorry for myself and this in turn drives me away from people. I don't want to be with them and they don't want to be with me, just like Taichi.

No Taichi's my best friend! He's my-

Then why do I want to runaway? Why do I want to run from the very person I've longed for, for so long?!

Shut up!

His other self snickered in amusement. _Because I know that I don't belong! I want it yet I can't face it! And because of this I deny the very thing I want the most!_

Shut up! Just leave me the hell alone!

How can **I **leave **you **alone when I am **you**?

Just stop it! I don't want to hear any of this!

Poor little me, nobody wants me around, not Taichi, not even myself!

NOOOOOOOO BE QUIET!

"Yamato? Yamato!"

"Huh?" Instantly Yamato awoke from the brutal argument he was having with himself and looked up. Taichi and his whole family were staring at him strangely. Yamato turned bright red. "So- sorry I guess I wandered into a daydream. I – I'm okay. Sorry for interrupting your dinner."

Taichi gave him a sympathetic smile. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Yamato are you sure you're all right? Is it my cooking? Is it bad?" Mrs. Yagami asked anxiously.

Quickly the blond boy shook his head. "No you're uh cooking it's really nice And I'm really okay, my mind just wandered off, it tends to happen a lot. Sorry."

"That's a relief. I uh mean it's a relief that you're okay, not that my cooking is okay, of course." The woman stuttered giving an awkward laugh.

Taichi frowned and gazed at Yamato as everyone started to eat again. _I know you're lying Yamato. I'm not as stupid as people like to think. I know there is something wrong with you. You are my best friend so I know. How couldn't I know? You're not alone. You have me. You are my best friend and you always will be no matter what. I know you better than any other living human yet there is so much I still don't know about you. You are so secretive, but I accept this. But why, why won't you tell me? Why are you hiding so many secrets from me? Then again I guess I have no right to complain, because I myself am holding a secret from you, a big secret. Yet the longer and longer I keep it inside, the more and more it hurts me. Doesn't it hurt you Yamato? Doesn't it hurt that you're hiding so many secrets from the world? Perhaps you're even hiding them from yourself. I suppose this makes you sad, doesn't it? This is why you are sad. _

You've held a smile on that beautiful face of yours for so long. And it hurts me knowing that that smile is once again lost to your own suffering. If you'd let me in, I'd make the pain go away. That way you wouldn't hurt so badly. That way you'd be happy. But I suppose that all depends upon how you feel about me. For the darkest secret that I hold concerns you. 

I've never felt this way before, never in my life. And despite having to previous experience, I definitely know what it is. But I'm afraid Yamato, I'm afraid of what it means. Every time I see you I smile. An exhilarating feeling of warmth consumes my body as I run to you desperate to hear your voice. I am at my happiness when I see you, yet on the inside I am partly shaking. I want to tell you, yet I can't. 

It's funny really. When I was younger I used to think the world was so simple, or to put it plainly, boring. But then of course I got transported to the Digital world and discovered that life isn't always what it appears to be. Many obstacles stood in out way when striving for peace in the Digital world. So many monsters, so many battles, so much evil… Everything seemed so hopeless at this point, yet still I tried my best to encourage everyone to keep on going. And as the days, weeks and months rolled in I started to learn more and more about myself. There were so many things I took for granted back then, including you. 

It's hard to believe that just two years ago I acted like I hated you. Times sure have changed. Awhile I go I used to secretly wonder how you though about me. I mean if you really saw me as a friend. Now I realise how stupid I was to even think it. You're definitely not the kind of person to lead another person on then dump them. When I realised this, I finally discovered that I thought of you not just as a friend but as something much more. Just as I will always be your friend, I swear I will always love you. I'll love you no matter what Yamato. What I'm saying right now might sound a bit corny, but all of it is true.

I love you Yamato and it pains me see you like this, It pains me more than you could ever imagine. I just want to see that smile on your face. I want you to be happy. I want us to be happy together. Please Yamato release your anguish, drown your sorrows upon me. I promise to make everything all better again, just show me your smile. I'll make you happy. I'll make you love me. I'll make the pain go away….

Authors Notes: I hope this chapter was okay. Sorry if the part when Yamato was debating within about how he felt, was slightly weird. Ah I've been watching too watch Evangelion lately. Oh well, I find the series very inspirational for writing. But of course who could resist such a wonderful anime. *glomps Shinji-kun* ^_^ I hope you have enjoyed reading this so far. I'm pretty sure the next chapter will be the last. Reviews, and advice about how I can approve are appreciated very much. Thank you for reading. 

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	4. Realization

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Authors Notes: Here's chapter four. I was finally able to get it typed up. I'm really sorry for taking so long. Recently I've had lots of schoolwork and I've rewritten this chapter quite a number of times. I hope this ending is satisfactory. I really want to thank everyone who has been reading and those who have reviewed. It's all appreciated very much. Arigatou gozimasu!

****

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon.

Yamato sat on the couch along with Hikari. Quickly he stole a glance at Taichi who sat across the room. He frowned. Taichi certainly wasn't acting like his usual self. He seemed so distant, as if his mind were somewhere it shouldn't have been. By now he had thought Taichi would be running around and bouncing off the walls with excitement. This wasn't the Taichi he knew just four days earlier. Now he was acting the exact opposite. It was quite frightening, and the thought sent a shiver down Yamato's spine. Despite acting like he hated it earlier, Yamato really missed Taichi's optimistic and cheery Christmas attitude. Now there was none. 

__

Are you really Taichi? I want Taichi…

"Kids it's time for bed." Called Mrs. Yagami. Yamato glanced around at the clock. It had just left a few minutes past ten.

"Mum do we have to go to bed now?" complained Hikari. 

"Yes you do. Besides if you don't go to bed soon then Santa won't come."

The brown-headed girl sighed. "You still don't get it do you?"

"Now who wants to help me prepare the cookies and milk for Santa? How about you Taichi, you usually love doing that."

"Okaasan I'm thirteen years old. I don't believe in some fat guy in a red suit okay. Besides what's the goddamn point when dad eats them anyway?" he replied irritably

"Yagami Taichi!"

"Well it's true isn't it?"

"But Hikari is-"

"It's okay Okaasan. I don't believe in Santa Claus. I've known for the past three years that he doesn't exist."

Her mother frowned. "Hikari-chan…" 

Yamato gazed from the two children to their mother. He was quite surprised that Taichi had refused to help after all the excitement he had displayed earlier. He was pretty sure that the reason Mrs. Yagami looked so sad was not because her children didn't want to help, but because they were both growing up. Personally he had never really thought about it before but it must have been hard for parents to watch their children leave the land of make believe and imagination and enter the cold world of reality. 

"Well I'm off to bed now," the younger girl confirmed before giving her mother hug and running off to her room. 

"Yamato are you coming?" Taichi asked as he lifted himself from the couch. 

The blond boy gazed at him then back to Mrs. Yagami. "I uh think I'll help your mum prepare the food first…"

The brunette nodded and walked away. Yamato frowned. He noticed the twang of pain hidden in the boy's features. _There's definitely something wrong with him…_

"Yamato?" He turned around and followed the woman into the kitchen. Mrs. Yagami had found herself quite shocked by his offer but didn't wish to offend him by asking him why he wanted to help. Instead she asked him if he ever did anything like that back home.

"Never." Came his reply as he poured the milk into a large glass.

"Oh we do every year but I suppose Taichi and Hikari are getting to old for this sort of thing…" 

Yamato detected the hurt in the woman's voice and instantly gave her his sympathy. He hated pitying others the same way he hated people pitying him. To be honest he though of it as endless cycle. 

"I'm surprised that Taichi didn't want to help, usually he loves everything to do with Christmas."

__

Yes and I bet I'm the one who destroyed that happiness for him…

"He's been acting a bit odd lately."

Yamato bit his lip. "Um how so?"

"It's strange, one minute he's all excited and the next he's all down in the dumps." The older woman replied. "I suppose it's just normal teenage hormones kicking in. Hopefully he'll cheer up by tomorrow. He's loved the holiday so much and it really wouldn't be the same without his cheerful ways. Normally we go to my sister's house of Christmas but this year we decided just to stay home. I'm wondering now if it was such a good idea. When I first suggested it to him he seemed really excited about staying home but now…" 

"I-I'm sure that's not the reason." Yamato stuttered guiltily.

"Well maybe now that you're here he'll cheer up. He was really excited about you staying." Mrs. Yagami gave a small laugh. "You should have seen the look that came upon his face when I told him you could stay."

Yamato couldn't take this anymore, it was his fault that Taichi was so sad. He was the one who had reduced his best friend to his own pitiful level of depression. How he hated himself for doing so… Tightly he clenched his chest. He couldn't take this anymore. He had to get away. He had to escape. 

"There all done." Stated Mrs. Yagami placing the plate down on the counter with a small smile on her face. "Arigato gozaimasu Yamato-kun for helping me. Well it's getting late you better hurry up and get to bed."

"Uh su-sure…"

"He is happy when he is with you so I have faith that he will cheer up with you around." The woman said merrily. 

Yamato physically felt sick. His whole world felt as if it was crashing down with the woman's words. And for a moment he wished to strangle her and force her to take that lie back.

"Oyasami nasi."

"Ha-Hai."

He walked slowly towards the room and stopped outside the door. His heart was racing fasted than it ever had before. God it hurt more than he expected. With his trembling hand outstretched he opened the door handle and walked in. Quietly he closed the door behind him. 

"Ta- Taichi."

The brunette was lying on the bed. Noticing the other boy's presence he sat up. "Are you coming to bed?"

__

Wi-with you? Mentally Yamato slapped himself knowing fine well what Taichi had meant. 

"I uh well sure." He lifted up his bag and pulled out a pair of pyjamas. Looking back up he realised that Taichi was all ready undressing. Instantly he turned around in embarrassment. He had seen Taichi undressing before but back then they were both in different situations. Personally he had never paid any attention to it before, not in this way anyway. 

Quickly he changed while trying to block the thoughts that were all ready trying to wield themselves into his mind. 

"You ready?" asked Taichi who was standing only in his underwear.

Yamato eyes widened and within seconds his whole face was red. _Get a grip Yamato! It's not like you've never seen him in his underwear before! I shouldn't even be thinking like this not after what I've done! It's wrong!_

Yamato was to sleep in the top bunk bed while Taichi slept in the bottom. The brunette switched off the light and Yamato climbed into bed. He gave a soft sigh. He was never going to get to sleep now, not with all the things going on his mind. _This just proves how awful your life turns out when you start pitying someone like me. _

Mournfully he curled into a small ball and wished so much that he had just gone to Shibuya with his Otou-san. Thinking of the beautiful smile on his friend's face made him happy but now he couldn't stand it. It was driving him insane. He continued to mentally abuse himself as more and more thoughts of distress followed. He was attracted to his best friend and he punished himself the most for this. 'You hurt your loved ones the most.' Words he had never paid attention to before, but now he was fully aware of them.

__

Will running away stop me from hurting people? I don't want to hurt Taichi anymore, but I don't know how to stop… All I want to do is get the hell away from here!

And let the one you love suffer alone?

Shut up!

***********************************************************

With each minute Yamato grew more and more distressed. He couldn't get the image of Taichi sleeping below him out of his head. What if Taichi found out he was thinking about things like this? He began to tremble in dread. 

You fucking queer, I only hung out with you cause I felt sorry for you! I don't even consider you my bloody friend! God what the hell was I thinking inviting you to spent Christmas here?! All you've managed to do is ruin it! I hate you! I don't ever want to see you again!

Yamato grasped the bed sheets tightly. Deep down he knew Taichi was incapable of saying such things to anybody. Even when they were practically trying to kill each other in the Digital world he had never said anything as harsh as that. 

He needed to apologize. He desperately needed to apologize to him. But he was afraid that he might not be able to bring himself to do it. He missed Gabumon. He missed the encouragement the little Digimon gave him. _Gabumon I miss you so much, but what do I do? Gabumon I need you…_

He dug his nails deep into his flesh as he grasped tightly hold of his arms. Small drops of tears ran down his face. _I hate myself_

Below Taichi's ears suddenly perked up. He slowly sat up and listened. It was sobs, the soft sobs of Yamato. "Ya-Yamato?" he queried gently. "Yamato?" 

"Huh?" the blond boy raised his head.

"Yamato are you still awake?"

He remained silent and dug his head deeper into his chest. 

"Yamati what's wrong?"

Nothing.

"Come on please tell me. I deserve to know, I'm your best friend."

"I-I'm sorry." came a muffled reply that the other boy could barely make out.

"Sorry? Sorry for what?" 

"For-for everything! For now, for what happened in the Digital world. Just everything!"

Taichi frowned slightly. "Yamato you don't have to be sorry for that. It's all in the past now."

"No. No it's isn't! It's all happening right now!"

"Yamato…"

"All I've done so far is cause you pain! I was a jerk back to you in the Digital world and I still am now. I've ruined everything for you. You invited me here out of pity and now I've destroyed your Christmas. Taichi I-I I'm just so sorry. I never meant to be such a burden. I never meant for you to pity me. I'm so sorry!"

There were a few moments of silence before Taichi spoke. "Is that the only reason you think I invited you here? All out of pity? Baka! How can you be so stupid!?" he cried, his voice quaking. 

Yamato fidgeted nervously with the sheets as a frown of quilt settled upon his lips. "Then- then why did you invite me over?"

"I thought someone with Friendship as their main trait would know that!"

"Taichi-"

"I invited you here because I was worried about you. After all do you really thing I would leave my best friend alone to spent Christmas in some hotel room? All I wanted to do was make you happy! I wanted you to forget your sorrows and be happy. All I wanted was you to be happy… I thought if we shared a great day together then you would thankful…"

"I-I am thankful!" Yamato called out in panic.

"Then why do you act like you don't even care?"

"I-I try..."

Tears began to run from the tanned boy's eyes. "Why? Why are you so sad?! Do you really hate me that much that you don't want to be here?"

"No Taichi, I love spending time with you! Most of the best memories of my life are all with you!"

"If that's true, then why aren't you happy to be with me right now? Why are you sorry for the past? Do you really regret everything that's happened that much?"

"No Taichi I don't regret it! I didn't mean it like that!" the blonde boy cried out.

"Then what did you mean then?"

"I-I'm just confused."

"About what?"  
"I…I don't know…"

"I thought you would have realized by now that keeping your pain all to yourself doesn't make it go away. Honestly most of the time it just makes it worst." The brunette stated quietly as he pulled his legs towards his chest.

"I know. I just didn't want you to worry about me."

"You thought I would pity you. Surely you should know by now that I think of you higher than that."

"I don't seem to know a lot then…" He replied weakly.

"No. You don't. But still you are by best and I understand that you never intentionally meant to hurt me. Just as I never meant to hurt you."

"But-but you never hurt me."

Slowly he closed his eyes, letting his head rest against his knees. "Then why are you crying?"

There was silence for another few moments.

"I-I don't know."

"Yamato."

"Na-nani?"

"Next time you are sad… When you're sad and feel like crying, you'll tell me, won't you?" he asked gently.

"O-okay,"

"Promise?"

"I promise."

His blue eyes opened wide as he stared into the darkness. The words came out of his mouth without any needed thought. "Did I ruin Christmas for you?"

"Of course you didn't."

"Why were you sad earlier?"

"I didn't notice I was." Replied Taichi bluntly. 

"Your Mum was worried."

"Why?" 

"Because you didn't help her prepare cookies."

The brunette gave a small sigh. "There's no point feeding something that doesn't exist unless she was referring to my Dad when she made them."

"I know but you helped her before, even when you all ready knew e wasn't real." The blond boy added.

"Doesn't make much of a difference does it?"

"But all those years before you still helped. Why stop today?"

Taichi sighed growing quite irritated with the stupid questions. "I just couldn't be bothered today. It's no big deal."

"It scared me." Yamato replied nervously. 

"What scared you?"

"Of how much you've changed. Just two days before you were over the moon in excitement about Christmas, now you're acting like you couldn't care less. It-it's just now like you."

"I just couldn't be bothered, that's all."

"Then have I really ruined the happiest day of the year for you?"

"No, I'm happy that you are here. I'm just worried about you."

"I'm worried about you too…"

"Then I guess we'll just have to keep reassuring each other that we're both all right then." Stated Taichi in a light-hearted tone

Yamato blinked curiously. "What do you mean?"

Taichi quietly slipped out of his bed and climbed the ladders to the top bunk were Yamato lay. It was dark but the cracks between the blinds allowed to the bright moonlight to pass through them. Yamato sat up and stared at his friend, the moonlight illuminating his features. He blushed deeply at the sight of him but thankfully the shadows hid most of his face. Yamato's breath caught in his throat as he felt Taichi's finger slide through his own. He gulped nervously and looked up into Taichi's dazzling eyes. They were pleading, they were pleading for something, but what for? 

"Yamato this whole thing started a few days ago when I brought the subject of Christmas up. It's obvious that you don't like it. Tell me why." Taichi asked slowly. Frowning, Yamato turned away. The way Taichi made him see him as more a psychologist than a friend. But inside he knew that Taichi was his friend and of course was only trying to help. "To be honest it probably isn't even that big of deal."

"I'm sure if it means this much to you then it must be important."

Nervously Yamato fidgeted and that hollow voice returned reminding him that he still didn't know what he wanted.

"Yamato."

Taking a deep breath he slowly began to explain his attitude. "Well it basically happened when I was seven years old. My okassan and otousan were still married and I still lived with my otoutosan. Takeru always got so over-excited about things. He would wake up at 5am on Christmas morning then climb up the ladders to my bed and wake me up. I knew my parents would have had a fit if he had went into their room at that time so I let him sleep in my bed so he wouldn't cry. I would usually tell him stories until he had fallen sleep then I'd wake him at more appropriate time, one were my parents wouldn't have killed him. His face would light up and he'd cry about Santa Claus having come the night before. I just had to humor him about it." 

"Why? Didn't you believe in Santa when you were little?" asked Taichi curiously.

Yamato shook his head. "No I learnt he didn't exist when I was four or five. I heard my parents one night talking about it. They were arguing over the expensiveness of the gifts that they had to buy. My mum brought up the subject of really wanting there to be a Santa so they wouldn't have to bother paying for them. Anyway that's how I found out. But still it didn't stop me from enjoying Christmas with my little brother. I was content as long as Takeru was happy."

"Yeah you always did that in the Digital world as well." Taichi added as he flashed the blond a smile. This made Yamato blush and he was reminded that he and Taichi were still holding hands. His hands were sweat driven with anxiety and he knew how disgusting it was have felt for the other boy. But still Taichi held on.

Apprehensively he began to continue. "Anyway as I was saying, Takeru was really excited about the whole ordeal. We received nice presents that year despite my parent's lack of money. But what I was most thankful for was that my parents weren't arguing that day. Now when I look back, I respect them for not ruining Christmas by yelling. But I could never forgive them for what they did next. I finally thought that the arguing between them had stopped but a few days later it ended up getting worse and worse. 

"They were both shouting and screaming so loudly that it frightened me. Not nearly as much as Takeru was though. He was only four years old and had no idea what was really happening. They didn't even notice when he burst into tears right in front of them. So I grabbed his hand and took him into our room. I took him into my bed, the place were he felt most at peace. I did what ever I could to try calm him down but as I said before the shouting was loud. I sang to him, trying to sooth his nerves. And all the while I repeated 'Everything will be all right' over and over again. Of course this was a lie. I had absolutely no idea if things would turn out okay for us. It was only a short while after, I realized out meaningless my words truly were."

"After Takeru had fallen asleep in started to cry. Secretly I envied my brother. I was there to comfort him but who was there to comfort me? A few weeks later my parents split up. For awhile they continually argued over who would custody of Takeru and I. Both were desperate. Sometimes I thought they only wanted custody over us just to spite the other. Finally they came to the conclusion that as both single parents they couldn't afford to look after both kids. So they decided to split us up. My Okassan got Takeru and I went with Otousan."

"I remember that day so clearly, it was day we would part our ways. I hugged Takeru before I left. I don't think I've ever held him as tightly as on that day. But out parents got in the way and tore us apart. The one thing I loved most in this world had been taken away from me, as well as my childhood."

"Yamato…" 

Tears ran down his face from his ocean blue eyes. Taichi had no idea what to do or say to his friend, but he could imagine how Yamato felt, besides the look of shock and sorrow on his face probably explained it all.

__

Yamato. 

"I-I've tried for years to put the memory behind me but the more I try the more it hurts me. That Christmas had been the best day of my life and my parents went and ruined it. Why did have to be then? Why couldn't it have been some other day? Another day not so close to my happiest one!"

"Yamato I'm so sorry."

"Taichi stop saying that!" cried the other boy as he broke into a fit of sobs. "You-you have nothing to be sorry for. You were just trying to help me and again I was to blind to see it. See th-this was why I didn't want to spend Christmas with you, because I knew I would ruin it for you. I ruin everything. And even if I did have a good time, I'm sure something would come along to destroy it."

"But just because it happened once doesn't mean that it's going to happen again" stated Taichi still trying to clam his best friend. 

"Trust me Taichi it will. Everything goes wrong in my life and it's all my own fault!" His hand slipped through Taichi's as he lowered his face. "God I'm so pathetic." 

Tears now began to fill Taichi's brown eyes. He couldn't bare to see his best friend like this! He felt Yamato's pain and there was no way he could describe how much it hurt. "Why-why are you always putting yourself down like this?" wept Taichi. 

"Because it's true, it's all true-"

"No! You just force yourself to believe this." Argued the brunette. "I mean how many people can say that they were transported to another dimension were they teamed up with monsters to save the world! An even if none of that had of happened, you are still special."

"Yeah right." Yamato half snorted through his sobs. "How the hell can I be special if I have nothing worth while to live for?"

Those words shook Taichi deeply. _He has nothing to life for but what about…?_

"Everything that's good in my life ends up being destroyed. What's the point of being alive if everything you love is repeatedly taken away from you?" 

Yamato stopped waiting for an answer from Taichi but none came. He gazed up to see that Taichi now had his head hung low. He stared in confusion. "Ta-Taichi?"

"You shouldn't be so pessimistic about life so much. You have many things to live for, you're just too blind too see them." Said Taichi in a toneless voice.

"What-what do you mean? How would you know that I have things to live for?!"

"Because I do."

"But…"  
"You shouldn't be so selfish, and be happy for what you have."

The boy sighed. "If I do find the happiness I desire, it shall soon be taken from me."

"Don't you realise that's it's all in your mind? The people that care about you aren't they enough to live for?"

"Yes but they will…"

"Let me guess, be taken away from you?"

He didn't reply.

"For godssake Yamato wake up to reality! Don't you see what's going on around you? Don't you see that I care?! Don't you see that I love-" Instantly he stopped. 

Yamato stared slightly shocked while replaying what his friend had just said. Taichi was turned away from him. Had Taichi been about to say that he loved him? No, there was no way. Nobody could love him and if Taichi really had said that, he would have just meant it as a friend just as Yamato loved Taichi as friend. But of course as well as this Yamato loved him as something even more. 

A few minutes had past and neither had said anything. Yamato had a great urgeto call out Taichi's name but his parents were in the next room and he suspected that they wouldn't be very please if their guest went about shouting in the middle of night. Bust still he had to do something. Taichi looked so sad and although he couldn't see his face he knew his friend was crying. Desperately he wanted to touch him, to hug him, to kiss his soft lips- 

Mentally he slapped himself and again reminded himself that such a thing was never going to happen. He cursed softly under his breath. He felt worthless as well as selfish. All this time he had being worrying about himself when Taichi needed him. But he couldn't understand why the brunette was so upset. It didn't make since. Nothing really made sense anymore. _Taichi…_

The pounding of his heart increased as the longing to tell Taichi of how he really felt grew stronger. His heart was being squeezed by own anxiety and he felt as if he would rather die than take anymore of this pain. _Gabumon I need help…_

He wanted nothing more than to make Taichi happy. It hurt so much seeing the one you love in pain. He wanted to tell him, tell him of how he truly felt. But those words from earlier still echoed in his mind. He bit his lip and clenched his fists. _This is too hard to take, not even in the Digital world were things this hard. Taichi he was always so happy then. Perhaps it would have been best if we never became friends at all, that we still hated each other. This way we wouldn't be hurting each other. You hurt the one you love the most…_

But his self-conscious found doubt in these words. This was a lie of course. Yamato cherished his friendship with Taichi deeply and if asked he would never take those happy memories back. _The future has come so quickly. Could-could it be possible that I have to move on? That I should tell him the truth? God, I'm so fucked up. If anybody saw this they would urinate themselves from laughing so much. But still I know I'll regret if I don't say something. That's what Gabumon always told me. If it wasn't for him I would still be stuck in that dark cave, even dead perhaps. You showed me how much my friendship with Taichi really meant to me. Your words…Your words meant so much to me…both of you…_

"Ta-Taichi?" he called out quietly. 

The brunette looked up, a painful look of sorrow on his face. Yamato winced slightly. "I know you'll probably get mad if I say this again, but I'm sorry."

"You don't have to-"

"I know but I am. I-I just have to ask you something." informed Yamato, his muscles tensioning. "Earlier when you were telling me that I had more to live for, where-where you about to say that you… that you loved me?"

"Yamato I didn't mean to-"

"Taichi honestly did you mean what you said?" cried Yamato desperation. 

"Yes!" The boy flung his head down into his knees and threw his arms over his head unable to face the expression that he was sure would come across his friends face. 

Yamato sat in bewilderment. Taichi really did love him? Such a thing was way too good to be true. It at the end of his mind. He took a deep breath, his heart needing time to recover couldn't be really, could it? Yamato was about to pinch himself to make sure he was awake he reality but instantly realised that the emotions he had felt today were all to real to ever be considered a dream. Tears welled up in his eyes and he felt an explosion of happiness erupt from his heart. Now that he knew the truth he knew that he shouldn't be afraid, yet fear was tingling from the so-called explosion. 

"Ta-Taichi."

The other boy remained in the same position. "Just say it! Please just get it over with and yell at me. I can't take this trepidation!"

"I won't."

"Why? Why not?! Is it because you want to hurt me? Is it because you want to make me suffer in guilt?! If you want to kick the shit out of me then go ahead! I know that physically I'm stronger than you but I promise I won't fight back!"

"I won't."

"Then-then what do you want me to do?" the brunette sobbed loudly ignoring the fact that his parents where in the next room.

Yamato swallowed nervously. "Taichi I-I have to tell you something."

Taichi glanced upwards, recognising the distress within his voice.

"Taichi I love you too." The brunette stared in shock unable to believe his hears. "I-I've had feelings for you awhile now, I was just too afraid to face them. At first I just thought it was normal hormones but I knew that it wasn't even if I didn't admit it at first. Now I know the truth and I can finally say it, Taichi I love you."

"Ya-Yamato do you really mean that?" he asked hopefully.

The other boy gave a small smile. "Of course."

Instantly Taichi threw his arms. "God Yamato you don't know how long I've wanted to tell you!"

Yamato gave a soft laugh. "I'm sure I can imagine."

"I-I was afraid if I told you, you would hate me."

Yamato nodded. "I was afraid that you wouldn't to be friends anymore, horribly afraid."

Taichi flashed his usual large smile. "Well I guess we don't have to be afraid anymore because we both know the truth now." 

Yamato blushed. "Yeah."

"Yamato there's something else I need to do." Stated Taichi.

"What is-" The blond was suddenly silenced by the pair soft lips being pressed against his own. His tension faded and he let his shoulders drop. The tanned boy slowly wrapped his arms around his back and pulled him closer, the kiss becoming more intense. Quickly he wrapped his arms around the other boy and pushed him on to the bed, his heart racing rapidly. Never had he felt so exhilarated and strangely he knew that Taichi felt the same way. They parted slowly as the need for air consumed them. Yamato breathed deeply. "Taichi."

Both blushed and they gazed into each other's eyes admiring how beautiful the other was. 

"That-that was nice." Yamato said sheepishly.

Gently Taichi placed his hand on Yamato's face and softly caressed it with his hand. "God you're so beautiful. Even when we were fighting in the Digital world I thought so."

"Re-really?"

"Uh-huh, although back then I would have never had admitted it." He said giving a small laugh. 

"I always remember being jealous of you in the Digital world." Admitted the blond boy.

Taichi blinked. "Really?"

"Yeah everybody used to love you, they used to always look up and admire you. It didn't bother me that much but I got jealous now and again."

Taichi chuckled. "Is that why you always started fights with me?"

"Well I-I had other reasons as well." Cried Yamato turning red in embarrassment. "And besides you started some of the arguments yourself!"

"Oh really?" slyly he pushed Yamato back down into the bed. "Then I guess we'll have to fight this one out again." Playfully he pressed his lips against Yamato and again they kissed. Both wrapped their arms tightly around the other as they began to make out. Scrupulously Taichi ran his hand through his loves hair. He had always loved Yamato's hair. While his messily stuck out everywhere Yamato's was neat and extremely soft. Humorously he thought that Yamato would stop as he had plainly stated in the Digital world that if anyone messed his hair up they would die. As their kiss ended Taichi couldn't help but notice the clock on his bookshelf. 

"It's Christmas!" Yamato almost had a heart attack as the boy yelled in his ear. Quickly Taichi jumped down from the ladder and ran over to the window. He pushed back the blinds to reveal that it was snowing outside. 

"Wahoo!"

Yamato gave a small laugh. "The fact that it's snowing out side at this exact moment is kinda cliché but nice nonetheless."

"It really is beautiful." Sighed Taichi dreamily. 

__

Not as beautiful as you... Yamato thought to himself.

"I could stare out this window forever."

"That's nice but don't you think you should come back to bed since it's-"

"Taichi! What are you boys doing in there? It's only 12:30am!" boomed his fathers voice.

Taichi sweatdropped. "I-I forgot about the time." Leaving the curtains opened he returned to bed. 

"I really can't believe it's Christmas all ready."

"Yeah and you seem happy about it so I guess that means I didn't ruin Christmas for you after all."

"Yama I all ready told you that you didn't ruin it for me."

"I know, I'm just stating the obvious." The blond boy giggled.

Taichi smiled. "Baka."

Yamato lay down and gazed out the window, instantly he was reminded of Christmas Eve six years ago. In away it felt the same with the exception of Takeru not being here. But he didn't mind, after all he had Taichi now.

"Maybe we should try to sleep now. If we make anymore noise then I think your dad will have a fit."

Playfully Taichi pressed the tip of his finger on Yamato's nose. "Maybe…. Why are scared?"

Yamato snorted jokingly. "I've faced monsters over 100ft tall, I'm sure I can handle your dad."

"I don't know, you haven't seen my Otousan when he's mad." Declared Taichi folding his arms.

"Well I guess you'll have to protect me then."

"Of course. Well uh… as long as he doesn't beat me up first."

Both boys laughed quietly then finally settled down. Yamato had noticed that Taichi still hadn't returned to bed, he was about to say something to him when Taichi's arms suddenly embraced him. He blushed and smiled, resting his head on the pillow. He felt so happy, so happy that it felt strange. He still carried the dread that all of this was nothing more that a dream. 

"Are all your tears gone now?" asked Taichi.

Yamato blinked. "Yeah."

The tanned boy smiled. "That's good."

"Why?" Yamato asked curiously.

"Well earlier you told me about how you looked after Takeru when he felt afraid and upset and how you used to hold him tight to you to soothe him. That just reminded me. You don't need to worry anymore." Taichi replied before snuggling into him.

"Taichi?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

**************************************************************

Things turned out really differently from how I expected it to be and there are no words I can use to describe how grateful I am for it. Hikari woke Taichi and I up really early that Christmas morning. I think she was confused when she found us sleeping in the same bed. Thankfully Taichi pulled through with an excuse saying that he had gone to wake me up then fallen asleep when he climbed up there. Okay it's not a good excuse but hey, it's an excuse nonetheless. Seeing the looks on Taichi and Hikari's faces while they opened their presents was a great experience. It really did help to remind me of Christmas with my family. Actually my dad had phoned later in the morning. He apologised about a million times and promised to take make it up to me by taking me out somewhere when he got back. He also said he had something special for me. 

To say the least Christmas with the Yagami's was great. Taichi was jumping about the house in excitement when he opened his PS2. Strangely he seemed even more excited when he discovered that he didn't receive any kitty games. Christmas dinner was really good and even Hikari helped in preparing it. By the end of the day I realised that I enjoyed myself more than I had six years ago. This shocked me a bit at first but I soon grasped that it was because I had nothing to worry about. With Takeru I was the one protecting him but with Taichi he was protecting me and when I was with him all my troubles seemed to fade away, just one of the many reasons I loved him so much. Taichi had given me so much, so much that I felt guilty for it. But he ignored me and said I myself had given him so much also therefore making us even. 

I spend Christmas night again with the Yagami's and this time I slept with Taichi in his bed. This time I was cuddling into him. His body was so soft and I felt almost guilty as I had the sudden urge to embrace him, but I knew it wasn't the time, neither of us was really ready yet not after all the emotions still swirling around our heads. But I knew the time would come some day. 

My Otousan returned back home the next day he took me out. Taichi came along as well as he wanted to repay him back for letting me stay with him. Otousan and I weren't really close but I did of course make my best efforts to make conversation. We actually ended up having a good time. So overall my life has just gotten a lot better. We still haven't told anyone about our relationship yet. I suppose we're just waiting for the right now. But finally my lonely hard has been freed….

****

Authors Notes: Well I hope the ending was okay. I'm not to sure of it myself. Sorry if the story kind of dragged, I have a bad habit of trying to make everything long just to try and explain the characters. Baka Shadow. Again thank for reading everyone. Sorry for any grammar and spelling mistakes that there are bound to be in this. Even with spellchecker I mess up -_-;

I updated chapter four of my other story Shadows from the past, just thought I'd mention in case anyone had read earlier chapters or were interested in reading it. 

__


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